Game Up Read online

  GAME UP

  Tara Jay Wimble

  CONTENTS

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 1

  ASHA’S heart dropped. “You’re joking.”

  Lara moved to the side of the bed and stared at her hands. “I’m going back to Frankfurt,” she repeated.

  Asha felt vaguely sick, like she was going to throw up or pass out...or something. A wave of heat rolled up her body, she broke into a cold sweat, and her face flushed. This was supposed to be their time. Lara had promised her she was going to stay in the states. The long distance had taken a toll on both of them. Even when they were together, their hearts ached, anticipating their last minutes together and the inevitable separation. They argued a lot more than they used to, petty bickering that rose to raging fights.

  She stood and walked to the window, drumming her fingers on the sill.

  “How long?”

  “Two years.”

  Asha laughed bitterly. “Two years. Are you fucking kidding...” She managed to stop herself from finishing that sentence. Don’t start a fight.

  Lara remained quiet.

  “Okay. Well. We did it before, it’ll be fine,” Asha said, trying to force her voice to be cheerful.

  Silence. An uneasy sensation overtook her. She turned to find Lara staring at her hands, fidgeting and picking. It looked like she was trying her best not to cry.

  “Lara,” she said warily. “What else?”

  Lara refused to meet her eye. The two froze there for what seemed like eternity.

  “I think we need space. I need space,” Lara finally mumbled.

  Asha felt like Lara had just punched her in the gut.

  “It’s not fair to you. I know it’s been killing you and you deserve someone that’s there. Not someone part time, thousands of miles away.” Words poured from her mouth, trying to rationalize everything.

  Asha was barely listening, still trying to comprehend the fact that it sounded like Lara was breaking up with her. She struggled to control her breathing. Don’t explode. Don’t explode.

  “I love you Ash, you’re my best friend. But our timing is off. I don’t want to lose you as a friend.”

  “...”

  “Ash, please say something.”

  Tears started to fall from Lara’s eyes. She tried to choke them back, but it was too much. Lara needed her to say something, but at the same time, she was terrified of what she would say. She didn’t know how they could ever be just friends, but this was just too hard. She was tired of the fighting, tired of the distance. She needed to focus on her career, and Germany was absolutely the best place for that. But she couldn’t have both – she couldn’t do it anymore.

  Asha finally found her voice. “I...I have nothing to say. It seems you’ve made the decision for the both of us.” She headed towards the door.

  “Asha, please!” Lara cried harder.

  “No, I’m done. Pack up your shit and get the fuck out.” She slammed the door hard on the way out.

  Asha cursed herself as soon as the door crashed shut. She had lashed out; maybe she could have fixed it. She put her hand back on the doorknob, before wheeling around. No, she needed to get her thoughts together before approaching her. She needed to cool off. It wasn’t fair of Lara to do this, dropping two bombshells one right after another. She needed to handle this right.

  I can fix this. I just need a game plan, I can fix it.

  ***

  ASHA walked back into her apartment, thoughts racing. She called for Lara, but was met with a stifling silence.

  The one freakin’ time she listens to me.

  She grabbed her phone, exasperated. Lara picked up on the first ring. Neither said anything for a moment, only listening to the other breathe.

  “I’m sorry about before. I didn’t mean that. I shouldn’t of said it. I don’t care if you’re far away,” Asha started. “I can handle it. Just please, Lar. Don’t do this. I love you, you have no idea how much I love you.”

  “I love you too. But...”

  Asha interrupted. “Don’t say but, Lara. Please don’t say that.” The reality of the situation was starting to hit her hard. This wasn’t just a fight. Maybe she couldn’t fix this. The thought made her panic. She took a deep breath, trying to quell that fear for now.

  “Where are you? We’re not doing this over the phone.”

  ***

  “THIS is my career, Asha! Why can’t you understand that?”

  “What about our life? You obviously never cared about me the same way! You’ve always chosen your career over everything else.”

  “That’s not fair. I do care about you. This isn’t about that.”

  “What’s it about then?”

  “This is something I have to do.”

  “Something you have...you have to break my heart? Move out of the country after you promised me? That’s bullshit! You don’t have to do that, Lara. You’re choosing to.”

  ***

  “YOU’RE being selfish.”

  “Are you fucking joking? It’s selfish to want to see my girlfriend every morning when I wake up? I’ve sacrificed so much for you, I’ve supported you, spent thousands on you, skipped sleeping just so I could talk to you for a few minutes. I keep quiet even though it kills me that I can’t tell the world I love you. I cannot fucking believe you just called me selfish.”

  “I’m sorry. That’s not what...I didn’t mean that.”

  ***

  “DID you even love me? Or was I just an experiment?”

  …

  “Is there someone else? Is that why?”

  …

  “How do you think it makes me feel seeing you flirt with every girl you see?”

  …

  “You act like you’re ashamed of me!”

  …

  “Oh, it’s my fault that I don’t like everyone and their mother knowing my personal life.”

  ***

  THE night hours were filled with crying, begging, pleading, arguing, and desperate sex. All the old fights were brought up again, the unspoken words hurled at each other. Asha woke up the next morning, and curled closer to Lara. She threw an arm around her, snuggling her face into her dark hair. And froze as the memories of last night hit her. She couldn’t fix this.

  ***

  ASHA did not like airports. For her, airports usually meant someone was being left behind. This day brought a whole new level of hatred. Asha hid her deep red eyes with sunglasses. Lara just looked miserable.

  “I still want you to visit. Promise me you’ll visit.”

  Asha nodded numbly. This was it. Her life as she knew it was about to end, as soon as Lara stepped on that plane. They hugged stiffly. Asha’s heart started beating hard at her touch, and it took all her strength to resist burying her head and inhaling deeply. Friends, she reminded herself.

  Lara tilted her head and caught her lips in a glancing kiss. She smiled sadly and walked away, trying not to burst into tears. She made it all the way on the plane before she crumbled; the nice lady next to her silently passed her a tissue.

  ***

  THE emptiness of Asha’s apartment was staggering. She paced, not knowing what to do with herself. Every inch of her body ached and throbbed. Walking into each room, lost in memories. She finally found h
er way to the bedroom and broke.

  ***

  ASHA was in a daze most of the time. The championship passed, and she was able to lose herself for a bit in the excitement. She wondered if Lara had watched her play.

  She hadn’t told anyone yet about what had happened. Except Denise. She was incapable of hiding anything from her. But even with her, she refused to discuss it.

  When others asked about Lara, she forced a smile. Lies tripped out easily from her tongue. She was almost proud of herself for managing to fool everyone, for being able to hide how much of a disaster she really felt inside.

  She dutifully answered the phone and replied to texts from Lara. The conversation was forced and awkward - interspersed with arguing and fights - but Lara seemed determined to make this new “friendship” work. It hurt so much talking to her, seeing her face on Skype, but she couldn’t imagine the pain that would ensue if they had no contact. She still didn’t completely understand her reasoning. They were talking as friends - why couldn’t they talk as girlfriends?

  ***

  “YOU led me on. I was planning our life and you were planning for Germany.”

  “I know, I’m sorry.”

  “You should’ve told me you were thinking of signing.”

  “I know. I’m sorry”

  “Stop fucking saying that! If you were sorry, you wouldn’t have done this to me.”

  “I’m...”

  “No, I’m done. I’ll talk to you later.”

  ***

  “WE could have made this work. You know that.”

  “It was too hard. We were miserable.”

  “I...wasn’t miserable. Are you serious? I made you miserable?”

  ***

  “I just wanted you to be happy.”

  “No, you wanted to be happy. I was happy. Obviously you weren’t. So...”

  “That’s not what I meant. You deserve someone better who will be there.”

  “So, it’d make you happy if I started dating someone else.”

  “I mean...you deserve...yes.”

  “Maybe I’ll go out right now and find some girl to fuck. How ‘bout that.”

  “We’re not together. You can do what you want.”

  “Fine.”

  “Fine.”

  That night, Asha went to a bar and took a girl home. Thankfully, the girl let herself out before she woke up the next morning. She stood in the bathroom, staring hard at her reflection. Nausea hit her. She threw up twice, and sat in an ice-cold shower until her hysterical sobs quieted to silent tears.

  ***

  “WHAT’VE you been up to?”

  “Nothing.”

  “I tried calling you last night.”

  “Yeah, I was...I was out...I went out for a few drinks.”

  The unspoken words made Lara’s stomach twist. Their last conversation played in her head. She knew Asha well enough to know what she wasn’t saying. Her skin felt hot and prickly, and a wave of jealousy and nausea almost doubled her in half.

  “Oh. That’s nice,” Lara forced out. “Meet anyone?” Oh god. Please don’t answer that.

  “...Yeah.”

  “Oh.”

  “Lara...”

  “No, it’s cool. Actually, I got to go. I’ll call ya tomorrow.”

  ***

  LARA stared out the window, into the distance, not really looking at anything. Nights like this were her time to wallow, to punish herself for her decision. She insisted that Asha should have the chance to date others, but just the image of it made her feel nauseous.

  A cold metallic taste coated her throat; an iron weight strangled her lungs.

  So she pictured it. Another girl’s hands clutching her hips. Another girl’s head dipping to bite her neck, her shoulders. Asha throwing someone else against a wall, pinning her wrists in one hand. She pictured it again and again.

  In her twisted logic, if she kept picturing it, eventually it would hurt less. In the meantime, it was her punishment.

  ***

  “SO when were you going to tell us?” asked Tamara.

  The first camp since the breakup.

  “Tell you what?”

  “Lorenz. Don’t play dumb. You know what.”

  Asha sighed. “Denise told you?”

  “Yeah. She wanted us to look out for you. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  “I didn’t want to make it awkward,” Asha lied.

  “You didn’t want to make it real,” Vianne offered from the floor, where she was shuffling her ever-present deck of cards.

  Asha stared at her. Vianne was such a goof, so it always threw her off when she dropped these words of wisdom.

  “We’re fine. We’re friends,” she managed to get out. “It’s for the best. She needed to focus on soccer. We both needed to focus on the game. It was the right decision.”

  Her friends looked at each other with raised eyebrows.

  “C’mon, deal,” she ordered, trying to ignore their looks.

  After a few hands, Asha worked up the courage to ask, “Does the whole team know?”

  “Not yet. She only told us.”

  An understanding passed between them.

  “I can tell people if you want. So you won’t have to talk about it,” Tamara offered.

  “I’d appreciate it,” she replied softly.

  ***

  LUCKILY, Lara would miss the first week of camp, so she had a whole seven days to prepare herself.

  Chapter 2

  “YOU said you wouldn’t tell!”

  Denise sighed heavily. “Were you planning on telling anyone?”

  “Yes,” Asha retorted. They both knew that she was lying.

  “You don’t think people would’ve wondered why you and Lara weren’t talking?”

  “No.”

  “Stop being difficult. You need someone at camp you can talk to.”

  “I don’t need to talk.”

  “Bullshit.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about.”

  “Again. Bullshit.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I know how you work. You bottle everything up. And then eventually you explode.”

  “No, I don’t.”

  “Keep talking, Ash. You’re just proving my point.”

  “There is no point. Cause I’m fine.”

  “Alright, whatever, you’re fine. But no matter how much you want to deny it, it happened, you have the right to be sad and upset, and people are going to find out. If you’re fine, then it shouldn’t matter, right?” Denise’s words were laced with frustration.

  “Right,” Asha bit out, also clearly frustrated. She hung up the phone. After a few seconds, she called Denise back. “Sorry.”

  “I know. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I am fine though.”

  “Okay.”

  “You don’t believe me.”

  “Of course I don’t. But I’m not going to keep pushing right now. You say you’re fine, okay. Focus on training, deal with everything else after.”

  “There’s nothing to deal with.”

  Denise laughed. “You’re absolutely impossible, you know that?”

  “I love you too.”

  ***

  ASHA quietly clicked the door shut, and walked to her bed, careful not to wake up Alexa. She flopped onto her back, pressed her hands into her eyes, and tried to make her mind go blank.

  Maybe I need to learn meditation. Maybe I should pay attention during those yoga classes.

  “Fuck,” she whispered.

  She was exhausted. All of her energy was going towards building a wall. She wasn’t playing her best, she knew that. Passable, but not up to her standards. A small part of her didn’t even care. A very, very tiny part - yes - but the apathy was still there, making it hard to put her all into every save. And then that conversation just made it worse. Denise knew her too well.

  A stirring from the bed beside her interrupted her thoughts. She glanced over, doing a double take. There was som
eone in bed with her roommate.

  Asha squinted through the dark, and smothered a laugh when she saw who it was - sprawled on her stomach, Alexa cuddled so close she was almost on top of her. Their hands were clasped, drawn close to Alexa’s face. She was fairly certain neither had much on in the way of clothing.

  Vianne, you dog.

  She didn’t know she had it in her. She turned back over, debating on how to torture her friends.

  ***

  ASHA woke up early before their alarm. She glanced over, and saw the two were still fast asleep. Vianne was now on her back and Alexa was completely on top of her, head tucked under her chin.

  Her eyes widened when she saw how dangerously low the sheets had crept. Yep, definitely no clothes.

  As giddy as she was about this new development, Asha knew she had to tread carefully where Vianne was concerned. She might just die on the spot if she woke up to the realization that they had been caught.

  No, she would confront Alexa first. She would handle it better.

  Asha straightened her bed as quietly as she could, and crept out the room. She walked downstairs for two coffees, before camping out at the end of their hall, waiting for movement from their door.

  Asha didn’t have to wait long. She ducked around the corner when she heard a door click open. She heard very faint whispers. She risked a peek and saw Vianne grinning and whistling softly as she walked towards her own room.

  Asha rounded the corner. She bit back a smile at the way Vianne’s face immediately paled.

  “Morning, Vi.”

  “H-hey. What up?”

  “Oh, just grabbing some coffee.”

  Vianne paused and shifted nervously. “So...did you have a good night’s sleep?” she stuttered. She was fishing.

  “Not really.” Asha watched Vianne’s face grow even paler than before. Just because she was treading carefully, didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little fun with this.

  “I fell asleep in Payne’s room watching a movie. There’s no way to make a floor comfortable.”

  Vianne noticeably loosened at the words, and she broke into an easy grin. “Truth.”

  “What are you doing up and about so early?”

  Vianne fidgeted, gathering her words. She nodded at the coffees in Asha’s hands. “Oh, ya know. Couldn’t sleep, coffee.”